How Sirius Black’s death made me feel things
Ohh boy. How bad I would have wanted this bond to have continued. Yes I know I am a bit too late. I just finished reading the Order of the phoenix and it legit ripped my heart apart.
When Sirius first told Harry that he is his Godfather, my heart skipped a beat. And since then all that I wanted was to feel the warmth that was flowing Between Harry and Sirius for a long long time.
With a lump in my throat every-time, they cared for each other, laughed together or were even thinking of one another, the effect that love has upon us, has seeped through my whole body.
And the story gave us what we needed. The dependence of each over the other, the responsibility Sirius felt for Harry, the way Harry used to confide in Sirius. The possessiveness, the protection, the sacrifices were beyond any relationship Harry had. It was mere bliss to be a part of their story.
I was so eagerly waiting for the moment when Harry would hug Sirius tightly and cry his heart out, his Godfather, who loved him as much as he loved his best friend. It would have been a moment we all awaited.
The story went by and a time came when Harry was leaving for school. When he wanted to warn his Godfather to not do anything rash, he was looking for the opportunity, which he never found. His Godfather half hugged him and saying “Take care” let him go. I never knew this was the last time my hopes were to hold me tight.
My hopes were still high though, heart still raced every-time, at a possibility of their meeting again. And then, Harry fought all the way from Hogwarts to The ministry concerned about his Godfather.
I remember being so overwhelmed when Sirius and the team came to rescue everybody from the room of mysteries, and specifically when Sirius laughed off Bellatrix saying “Is this the best you can give”. I could feel the sea of emotions running between Harry and Sirius at that moment.
How much he cared for Harry. he risked coming to the ministry who he was supposed to be hidden from, he risked coming in front of the death eaters and fight them all with such a high enthusiasm. He was full of all feelings, he was humorous, he was moody, he was caring and damn he was such an amazing friend and Godfather.
Ohh that last dialogue between them made me feel all those sentiments so well and much more.
And wham Bellatrix hit him again and he falls down the veil. I was in the same shoes as harry wondering he’ll just come back. But when Lupin said he won’t ever come back, ss much as Harry, I was taken aback, I wanted to shout, I wanted to find all the ways to bring him back, I wanted to go and undo everything that could have saved Sirius. I wanted to bring him back and hug Harry tightly for one last time. But that did not happen. We had to digest he was gone. Gone as suddenly as he came in Harry’s life, as suddenly as he gave us so much to feel. Tears started trickling down my face and I couldn't stop.
I often wonder, how much love is there in the world to give. How people give away their lives for love. How it rings every single chord in our hearts and souls. How it lifts us up, pulls us down. How emotions being temporary and ever-changing has such a great effect on anything and everything that we do.
However good we feel, however high we go, we come back to reality to lay low in the ever robotic way of living in this world. We often get inspired, feel good, and know this is where we belong. Yet how easily we go astray and start living life like it was a marathon to be completed and forget to feel all those things which are so beautiful and reside within us.
I feel that we very well know and are aware of our presence, but somehow the songs, the movies, the effect they leave upon are so temporary that we get easily dragged back into the rut of life.
This effect needs to be more lasting, more succinct and more effective, to trigger an action of change inside us.
We tend to forget about emotions in our short span of life and focus on being our mechanical self more. Hence rely upon movies, stories and fantasies to fulfill that void. The void, which we originally ought to fill ourselves with our experiences that indulges us in all the high we tend to enjoy.
